one two three fourrrrnication!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
