I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
