Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
