What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
