I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
