so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
