I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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