Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
