proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
