I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
