Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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