i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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