Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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