I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
