i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize