I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
