i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
