You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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