i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
