There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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