If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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