we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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