I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
