Your mouth is God's brothel.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
