After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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