No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well you can't waste a boner
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
