i'm signing you up for texting rehab
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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