True but thats because hes a fetus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
