I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
