I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize