hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
there is puke in my bra ... again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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