eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
this boner is exhausting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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