I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
