I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
