The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
