Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
