How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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