You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
