yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im part way to drunk.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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