So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize