he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
