What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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