Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize