so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
