Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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