I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
