It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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