Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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