Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
