who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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