Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
