I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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