just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
