I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
