Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
