This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
