i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
