She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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