just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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