The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
