Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
