I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
