I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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