So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
