I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Rumble strips road head = magical
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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